Between the end of my first year at university and the beginning of my second we experienced something called 'summer holidays'. This was a very different summer to the ones I had previously. Firstly there was no actual holiday element, unless you count 4 days at Reading festival (I don't). Secondly my girlfriend and I were busy moving into our new flat. The place we inherited was a state and required a serious clean up. Thirdly, I had an incredible working week so I was not around to often to actually help with this process.
We were not living in a student flat, or anything close. It was all cash in hand. We had to trust that the landlord would not just turn us out and he had to trust that we would not just trash the place. It was a system that worked well. In exchange for decorating the flat for our landlord, we were able to choose how it was decorated.
Every night I would get home from work to see Hannah (my then girlfriend), Claudia (AKA Roo) and our two temporary lodgers Anna (Brazilian) and Rich (Chesterfield) covered from head to toe in paint. I had gotten off lightly, as my job was to sit in a booth all day. Often I wouldn't get a single customer so I just read.
One night I came home and was taken aback by the progress.
"Wow, you guys have done so much. You should take it easy tomorrow as a reward."
"No Owen, we can't. We need this finished by the end of the week." Informed Hannah.
"?"
"Your brothers are coming to stay, remember?!"
I hadn't.
"Oh yeah, of course. Chop, chop then. I'll stick the kettle on, who wants some tea?" I said in an attempt to dig myself out of this hole.
It didn't work, not only did nobody drink tea. We didn't even have any tea in the house. Or a kettle.
Anyway the end of the week came, as did my younger brothers. They were aged not a teen and small and just about a teen and still small. We settled into a nice routine now that the decorating was complete. Hannah would keep them entertained during the day while I worked, I would make them dinner when I got back from work (as Hannah had to work for a few hours in the evenings). Then when we were all back home in the evening we would watch a film. My brothers would have some cola and sweets and Hannah and I would share a bottle of wine.
On one occasion I had more than my fair share of the wine, far more. I can't remember why (probably because I had so much wine), but this is how it panned out. Well film over (no idea what we watched), Hannah decided it was best we all go clean our teeth and head to bed.
I will take a break in the story at this point to explain one of the anomalies of our flat in Cambridge. It was a very old two story flat above a fantastic specialist wine shop called 'Bacchanalia'. Despite it being a first floor flat our kitchen was infested. Yes, when the sun went down our kitchen would become a very unpleasant place indeed.
Thats my old flat!
Slugs.
Dozens of them, slurping out of the walls and all over the floor. Very much in the style that all those snakes appear in Indiana Jones. I am not good with small/large hairy/slimy/flying things so I did not particularly enjoy this, but at least they were restricted to the kitchen.
OK, on with the story, my younger brothers successfully reached for their toothbrushes and applied toothpaste to them. I just about managed to do the same and drunkenly began re-whiten my pearlies.
At this point I noticed that Hannah was not following suit.
Hannah was laughing.
Hannah was pointing.
Hannah was pointing and laughing.
Hannah was pointing and laughing at me.
Panic stricken I looked all around me for the source of her amusement.
Nothing.
I looked all over me for the source of her amusement.
Nothing.
I gave up. I looked at Hannah, imploring her with my eyes to let me in on the joke.
As I looked at her I could see something in my peripheral vision that was not usually there.
It was a black dot.
It was a large black smudge.
It was a moving large black cylinder.
It was a huge squirming black slug on the end of my toothbrush!
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!" I calmly noted as I alighted the toothbrush from my person and placed it, at speed, out into the hallway and down the stairs.
Shaken I sat down on the side of the bath, while I waited for the colour to return to my face. Hannah calmed my brothers and sent them to bed. She came and sat next to me and said:
"Go get a glass of water and I see you upstairs."
I nodded, this was a good idea, so I rose and made my way to the kitchen...
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