When I was 15 there was a girl I really fancied, she was gorgeous and her dad owned a chemist in the town centre, which was great if I wanted a lolly pop but didn't want to pay for it. Anyway, things with this girl were always a bit strained, so for the sake of ease I decided to forget about her and instead ask her friend to the cinema. Her friend, of course, said yes. We arranged to meet at 7pm on Saturday evening at the Cineworld in the town*.
7pm is prime cinema time. Saturday is prime cinema time. Being a foolish teen-child I did not realise this. We met outside and wandered into the foyer, at least we attempted to wander in. It was less of a wander, more of a high speed people slalom. We darted from gap to gap in the constantly the moving labyrinth. Eventually we made it into the queue. While we waited I tried my hand at some teenage small talk, which was not really anything more than a list of bands that I had heard of.
Imagine this as a cinema and full of people.
We had done it, we had made it to the front of the queue! Unfortunately whatever diabolical semi-pubescent nonsense we were planning on seeing had been sold out. As had everything else, apart from one film I hadn't heard of. I was bold, I decided to chance my arm and buy the tickets to this last remaining film. If my date was impressed with my decisiveness she certainly managed to cover it well, as she ambled out of the queue to look at some ice cream (she didn't buy any), leaving me to pay for her ticket.
"Screen 8, 'Cold Mountain'!" I said with conviction.
"...Yep." Came a less enthused reply at the till.
The screen was packed, absolutely packed. My date and I had to sandwich ourselves in between two sets of slightly overweight elderly couples (anything over 22years seemed elderly to me then). As they munched loudly and inaccurately on their popcorn I tried to keep the stray fellows from entering my mouth, to little avail.
The lights went down the film started rolling. This film was good, I mean it was really good. I was enthralled. About an hour into the film I let out a loud and less than manly yelp, much to the amusement of those around me. What was the cause of this less than expected excitement? The girl next to me had squeezed my leg! I had completely forgotten about her, she could have choked to death on some vagrant popcorn and I would not have noticed. Now aware of my lack of attentiveness toward this representative of the female gender I sprung into action. An idea came to the front of my mind, it was a classic, the ol' 'Arm Over The Shoulder'. This was perfect, I could make her feel wanted without having to take my eyes of the screen, perfect.
I lent back.
Eyes fixed on the screen.
Stretched my left arm into the air.
It was going great, I could feel the men sat behind me nodding with sage approval. This was the right thing to do.
Eyes fixed on the screen.
As I lowered my arm I felt it moving quickly!
I couldn't slow it down!
CRACK!
I had just elbowed my date on the top of her head in front of a cinema full of people and I had done it very loudly. She said nothing, no complaint, no whimper in pain (which would have been entirely justified). Nothing. As her hand slid away from my lap and moved to literally anywhere but my lap, I felt defeated and rightly so. After the film she hastily made her goodbyes and left (probably to A&E to get herself checked for concussion).
I walked home on my own, buoyed by the knowledge that this evening had become an anecdote.
*I always took my dates to the cinema because I had an unlimited card so didn't have to pay for my ticket and inevitably I would end up paying for whichever cheap tart I had escorting me.
Important Notice:
When I started this blog it was with the intention of actually reviewing things. This theme soon petered out and I haven't come close to doing anything of the sort for quite some time.
With this in mind I think that I need a new name. Please leave your ideas in the usual places; comment box, facebook, owenjohnston88@msn.com. I look forward to reading them.
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